what is my heart expressing

Is my inward expression the same as my outward expression? Some scripture, Proverbs 4:23   Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Luke 6:45  A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." Sometimes I catch myself saying something in response to a situation or person and I am like where did that come from. I am not impressed with the words that come out of my mouth. There was no love in my words. It's easy for our words to be an expression of what we feed ourselves and of how we handle circumstances in our lives. The devil wants our words to be hostile. God wants our words to be of love in every situation. Focusing on Christ and feeding ourselves well in relationship with him helps our conduct to be pleasing to him, including our speech. Prayer - Lord create in me a clean heart, help me to spend meaningful time with you, so that my outputs will represent you well. Amen

God will allow evil

God will allow evil only to the degree it brings about the very opposite of what it indends writes Timothy Keller. We see so many times in God's word how evil is allowed and God works things for good. The story of Joseph is a fine example where he even tells his brothers that their plan was meant for evil but God intended it for good. Job is another example where Satan was allowed to torment Job and God used it for good. It is basically the standard in the Bible for the handling of suffering. Life as a Christian seems like a series of mini tests and some exams. These are all meant to draw us near and grow our faith. We can choose to turn to drink, sex, drugs Etc or let God refine us. The devil tested our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ too. He was led into the desert to be tempted. He prepared with 40 days of fasting. In the end Jesus rebuked Satan and in the name of Jesus we can too. Prayer - Lord help me to put on the armor of God really prepare for the devil's schemes, to fight the fight for your own Glory. Amen

Treasures in heaven

"Mathew 6:19-21 ¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." As I endure health struggles, being treated for cancer, there are lots of Deep Thoughts that enter my mind. We know that this life is temporary but we get so attached to it. While on one hand I know I will spend eternity with my Savior, I have an Earthly family that is hard to think of separating from. I know well the pain of growing up without a father as I lost mine when I was 21. I look at my kids who are around the same age and know how hard it is to forge through this life without a dad. Yet I have to trust my heavenly father's plan. As he has been with me, I know he would be with them. While their path may not be easy, he always makes a way. There are things in this world beyond family that we come to know as comfortable, our jobs, material possessions and so forth. They can easily become way too much of a priority and distract us from God's goals for our lives. Prayer - Lord thank you for giving me this life and walking with me through it. Thank you for the knowledge that you hold us in the palm of your hands. Help me Lord to be a good Steward of the things that you have given me. Amen

The harsh reality of chemotherapy

I am currently going through a chemotherapy regime for the third time since 2011. By no means do I want to paint a picture that I have had it really bad. I know there are people who have experienced far worse. I simply want to shed a light on chemotherapy. Perhaps this will help assist you in a very small way by encouraging you that you are not alone if you are going through it or perhaps by encouraging a care person. Treatment is intense and can have a dramatic impact physically and mentally. Cancer patients have a horrible disease growing inside of them. This means that likely something horrible is needed or tried to combat it. Nowadays a treatment plan includes a symptom management plan. Certainly this is an improvement over days gone by. One of the treatments I have been receiving has been nicknamed by the medical staff as the Red Devil. It enters your system literally to destroy cancer cells. To help with the multitude of potential symptoms, a person might receive the following for the first 5 days, steroids, medication to line the stomach, one or two different anti nausea meds, acid reflux and heartburn pills, constipation meds and one or two other medications as part of the treatment protocol. This is the cocktail for me this time. The medical team has been great at switching things up as needed and it is very very important for the patient to be forthcoming with their symptoms. For example after my fifth treatment, I vomited 14 times in 11 hours and ended up in the hospital to get fluids and new medication. What works initially might need to be changed. Symptoms during the first five days are typically the worst and that's why they give steroids. There can be a weird energy that comes from the steroids and then after 5 days a bit of a letdown so it is very important not to overdo it in those first 5 days. Symptoms can include the following, nausea, vomiting, heartburn, acid reflux, headaches, numbness in extremities, constipation, chemo brain, memory difficulties, challengrs thinking and recalling things, rashes, hair loss and more. Fun eh! It's during these down times, of basically looking at the ceiling, resting and sleeping where there can be time for deep reflection. It can be a time of deep spiritual searching and renewal and has been for me. It's important to go through this experience and be very open with God, ask the why questions and tell him how you feel. I am so thankful for a support system around me and for a God who deeply cares for me. Faith has been a huge part of managing through these ordeals. So for you caretakers out there, this is a big ordeal for the patient,  one like many experiences in life that cannot really be understood until it's you. Your role is critically important to try and be empathetic and gracious. The disease of cancer and the treatment can take a person to the depths of despair. Typically appetite starts to return around day 6. Day 14 to 20 start trending to normal. These are just my experiences . Hopefully they shed light in an informative way. Prayer - Lord for all those out there that are suffering, for strength, courage, stramina, grace, patience and mercy we pray. We pray for healing in the name of Jesus but according to your will. Amen

My first love

Jesus you are my first love, thanks for being patient with my wondering ways. Lyrics - My first love (by Mandisa)

 How long will You forget me?

How long will You hide Your face?
All the lies my soul has taken
My heart's at war and faith is shaken
But there once was a time when my hope was alive
Felt You near, You and I, couldn't get much closer
You would speak, I'd believe, not a doubt that I had inside

I wanna go back, to where it all began
I wanna go past, the walls that hold me in
To trust what I know, feel You so close
I can hear Your heartbeat
I wanna go back, back to my first love
You are my first love

How long will I forget You?
And how long will I pretend that You're not here?
Bring light to my eyes in my darkest places
Bring hope to my heart that can hardly take it!

I wanna go back, to where it all began
I wanna go past, the walls that hold me in
To trust what I know, feel You so close
I can hear Your heartbeat
I wanna go back, back to my first love...

I need revival
Lord, let Your fire fall
I long to feel again
The touch of Your hand
I wanna breakthrough
Help me to trust You
Jesus, restore my passion
I wanna go back, to where it all began
I wanna go past, the walls that hold me in

I wanna go back, to where it all began
I wanna go past, the walls that hold me in
To trust what I know, feel You so close
I can hear Your heartbeat
I wanna go back, back to my first love
Jesus, You are my first love
Jesus

Ok God get a move on

Okay God get a move on, isn't that how we feel so often. We have our expectations and our desires and we can't understand what the holdup is. We want to know what his plan is for our lives, for our kids lives and so on. We don't want to wait. Our kids are now in their late teens and early twenties. They are navigating the uncertainties of life and the high pressures put on young people today. It seems like people are expected to know what they want to do very early on and get in the proper stream already in high school. Society suggests that they will get the perfect education and job and be equipped for life. Reality is this is a process, how can they know at such a young age what they want to do. And then there is God's goal and mission for their life. Trusting God's Will and purpose is hard. Some verses of encouragement. "Psalm 57:2 I cry out to God Most High,
    to God who fulfills his purpose for me. Jeremiah 29:11a For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. Mathew 6:8-13 for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

⁹ “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰ your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from the evil one.

Depression and anxiety

Prayer - Lord what do I do with my anxiety and depression. Life is simply just too overwhelming. I want to trust you with trying circumstances, but I simply don't always know how. Please help me, Amen. I find that many of us Christians are guilty of looking at the destination and not the process. We read verses that talk about giving our worries to God and they are so true. We forget though that we live in a fallen world and we are broken people and that there is a process in maturing and growing in all areas of our Christian Life including our emotions. Reading through the books of the Bible such as Jonah, the Psalms and Lamentations, clearly people had anxiety and depression in the Bible times too. Many great hymns were written out of deep despair. We need to be honest in our Humanity and yet determined to allow God to work in all aspects of our life through the refining process that takes time. Lyrics refiners fire - Purify my heart, let me be as gold

And precious silver
Purify my heart, let me be as gold
Pure gold

Refiner's fire, my heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for you Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You my Master
Ready to do Your will

Purify my heart, cleanse me from within
And make me holy
Purify my heart, cleanse me from my sin
Deep within

Ready to worship
Ready to follow
Ready to do Your will